Rick Fullerton, Ph.D.

People have lots of opportunities to be coached - by managers, co-workers, staff members, clients, friends, and sometimes family members. The sources of coaching takes many forms. While most articles on coaching talk about how to be effective in coaching others, this one addresses the dynamics of being coached. This article is not primarily for those who work with professional coaches, rather, it focuses on people who look to form learning relationships with other partners. For many such people, coaching is the preferred approach and the learning method.

Where to begin?

Any coaching starts from an assumption that an improvement in performance or results is possible. If you are considering being coached, it follows that you need to be clear that you can make a change that will be worthwhile. Until such a possibility exists it is very unlikely that any efforts at coaching will be helpful.

It is important at the outset to see this decision to change as just that - a decision to change. When we make that choice explicitly we reinforce a fundamental principle of effective coaching: that the decision-making responsibility rests with coachees (not with the coach). As well, when we actively choose to change, we are confirming that we are ready to make an investment in achieving the results we are seeking. Implicit in this is a commitment to act - to experiment, to learn, to practice, to reflect - in ways that can produce a different outcome. It is a significant step that we make when we ask someone to coach us and it is crucial that we are fully aware of both the possibilities this presents and the responsibilities it implies.

How we see coaching

Let's consider three sets of statements about being coached.

• The last thing I need is someone else telling me what to do.
• Most of the coaches I know have less experience than I have.
• Why bother with a coach? I can work this out myself!
• I am happy just the way I am.

• My manager coaches me as part of her job. I don't really have a choice.
• What I am really looking for is a mentor who can open doors for me.
• I would like a coach to do some work for me, like find good courses for me.
• Some high potential managers get coaches; I want one too!

• I sure could use some help adjusting to this new role I have.
• I need to make a step change in my performance and that of my team.
• My career is rudderless. I need help getting clear about where I am going.
• My life is totally out of balance. I work 70 hours a week and feel guilty about it.
• I will never become an executive unless I can learn to listen more effectively.

When a person most identifies with the first set of comments, they are unlikely to be open to being coached. This most often happens if they are just reacting to what is going on around them or when they are not clear about what their role or commitments are. Then they get caught up in day-to-day events and let the circumstances dictate what happens next. When this is the case they may not be ready to ask for help, yet they may be open to talking with a learning partner about possibilities they cannot see.

The second set of comments suggests an interest in being coached, yet in each case something may be missing. In the first, the relationship with the manager may need some work or the respective roles may not be clear. The second and third comments indicate a desire for help in making a change, yet the skills or tools to find resources may be missing. And in the last example, the person might be looking for a reality check on their career prospects and potential for advancement.

When peopIe make comments like those in the third set, they are most likely to seek out and accept coaching. These are the times when they recognize that their current capabilities or resources will not produce the results they want. Such times are ideal for seeking the assistance of a learning partner who can serve as a coach.

Coaching partnerships

The best choice for achieving significant change most often lies in finding a coaching partner who matches our particular needs and preferences as a coachee. As suggested above, we can find coaching almost anywhere: co-workers, friends, managers, mentors, direct reports, colleagues in other departments, family members, pastors or perhaps professional coaches. Who we select to be our learning partners depends on many factors:

• competence / credibility / skill as a listener / inquirer
• nature of relationship / roles / ability to empower
• trust / confidentiality / mutual respect
• availability / time / proximity / cost

The power of coaching rests largely in the relationship rather than with the individuals involved. So you want to be actively engaged as a coachee in designing and maintaining the relationship with you coach. This is not a 'top dog - underdog' or 'master - servant' arrangement. Ideally, it is an equal partnership - which focuses on your agenda as coachee. Any time coachees find themselves feeling inferior, disempowered, or subordinate to their coach, it is a signal to call a time-out to review the relationship and what is missing. And if this doesn't work, it may be time to find a new coach.

Coaching relationships begin, develop and eventually end. As coachees, you have key roles to play in each phase. In the beginning, you define the need for coaching based on your commitments and your change agenda. You actively request coaching and clarify the style and nature of the help you want. As the process continues, work with your partner refines the approach and the agenda as you learn and grow. You provide feedback, make requests, and keep true to your agenda. If things get off track in the relationship - or you detect ethical or competence issues - you declare these and take appropriate action. Where the process is effective and your objectives are satisfied, you act to responsibly bring the coaching relationship to a close.

Parting thoughts

Throughout the learning relationship, coachees should strive to remember that what they gain when they work with a coach is the benefit of a thinking partner, a sounding board, a co-inquirer, or a committed listener who is totally focused on their goals and objectives - their agenda. So while they must have trust and respect for their coach, they also need to honour that at times the coach will make them uncomfortable, the coach will push them, or show them different perspectives. It is good to remember that the coach is just a human being and will make mistakes.

Coaches and coaches are like explorers - where the coachee defines the objective and the coach offers navigation support. Without the objective, the navigation support is irrelevant. At the same time, as travellers together on a journey of change and development, the coach and coachee will be co-creators of the experience - defining and refining it as they go. Yet the power to start, change direction, or end the expedition is always in the hands of the person being coached.