By Jim Taggart
Leadership Associate
The Leadership Network
Fall 2000

Coaching and mentoring are receiving increasing attention in government and business. Bookstores are filled with new books on this topic, with authors providing insights and tips on how to become an effective coach or mentor. After reading a number of these books, and looking through several others at bookstores, I have concluded that only a few really stand out as exceptional. This short paper provides excerpts from what I consider three excellent books. What makes these books stand out is that they are not how-to manuals, but insightful explorations of the human aspects of creating strong mentoring and coaching relationships. I hope you find the excerpts helpful whether you are now a mentor or a coach, or are considering becoming one.

Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others
James Flaherty (Butterworth-Heinemann, 1999)

Unless we question our assumptions, abandon our techniques,
and vigilantly correct from the outcomes we're producing,
we will soon fail as coaches.

Flaherty has spent his career in leadership development and coaching, in both the private and public sectors. He discards a mechanistic approach to coaching, focusing instead on the importance of human emotions. Moreover, he emphasizes the importance of the coach's own learning and how she perceives herself.

Flaherty speaks about five key principles of coaching:

1. Relationship is the most important principle, in which trust, respect, and mutual freedom of expression are present.
2. Pragmatism replaces theory.
3. Learning is reciprocal for the two parties involved.
4. Adapting to the needs of the client, who has already gained life experiences, is essential.
5. Techniques, especially if used in isolation, not only won't work but may also be dangerous to the client.

Flaherty states: "Techniques cannot replace human heart and creativity in coaching." One of the key elements of effective coaching is language (as we'll see below with Kim Krisco). Flaherty asserts, "[I]t could be said that the essential job of the coach is to provide a new language for the client…. language provides for us the horizon of possible actions, experiences, relationships, and meanings…. if language provides the horizons described above, then the biggest new possibility that a coach can provide for a client is in language."

Flaherty provides an extensive section at the end of his book on coaching conversations. Here is a sample of the questions he poses to help readers reflect on becoming better coaches:

• What makes my coaching most potent?
• What makes me most uncomfortable in coaching?
• What am I discovering from the relationships I have formed with others?
• Am I modelling what I am coaching?
• Where am I flexible, and where am I rigid?
• How do I care for myself?

Who should read this book? Managerial leaders who want to learn how to engage people in inclusive conversation in order to effect change and who want to take on a stewardship role in their organizations.

Leadership and the Art of Conversation
Kim H. Krisco (Prima Publishing, 1997)

Unless you learn to recognize, manage, and shift out of
past-realm conversations, you will never be able to deliver
on your fundamental responsibility as a leader -
creating and sustaining a viable future.

Kim Krisco is a well-known speaker and trainer who has helped large organizations in their change efforts. He is also the author of Leadership Your Way: Play the Hand You're Dealt With. Krisco has written a unique book on coaching. He includes sample scripts of conversations to help readers learn what to say and how to say it.

A key part of his book addresses what he calls "unspoken conversations" and the effects they have on our relationships. For people familiar with the concept of mental models (see Chris Argyris, Peter Senge, and Donald Schein), Krisco's approach meshes very well. He states: "Thinking from and speaking from the past is the normal and natural way human beings operate.... Unspoken conversations tell you what's important, what to believe, who's good and who's bad, and so on. They even tell you who you are."

Unspoken conversations exert a powerful effect on maintaining the status quo in organizations. This is especially important to understand and address because of the need for organizations to evolve. This calls for strong leadership to deal with unspoken conversations. Leaders must help people recognize the power that unspoken conversations have over them and support their efforts to break out of the box.

One chapter in particular, "The Better Half of Conversation", is excellent. Krisco talks about learning to manage our listening, which in turn strengthens our speaking ability. Listening is a critically important skill for managerial leaders. By not dealing with our listening filters, we remain in a reactive mode. Effective coaching then becomes difficult.

Krisco distinguishes between conversation and discussion, the latter being a process in which an exchange is taken apart (from the Latin word discutere). A conversation, in contrast, is a dialogue, in which two people explore a topic to gain greater understanding. He asserts: "Dialogue is the conversational form to use when you want to create new knowledge - when you want to delve into the domain of what-you-don't-know-you-don't-know. Learning to conduct and facilitate dialogues is a critical leadership tool."

The ability to initiate and sustain dialogue is critical to a leader's success in promoting lasting change. His chapter entitled "Unleashing People's Full Potential" stresses the importance of going beyond engaging employees and opening up possibilities. Over time energy fades. This means that the leader as coach must persist in keeping the conversation open. Krisco explains that when coaching becomes part of the organization's culture, people will begin to initiate action on their own, rather than waiting for instructions.

When your intention to help another person is clear, your coaching conversations will have the desired effect...The person you are coaching will hear your care and concern and eagerly participate in the conversation

Who should read this book? Those in middle and senior managerial leadership positions will benefit especially because of Krisco's important messages on making change happen through listening and dialogue.

Managers as Mentors: Building Partnerships for Learning
Chip R. Bell (Berrett-Koehler, 1996)

The mentor is a teacher, a guide, a sage, and foremost a person
acting to the best of his or her ability in a whole and compassionate
way in plain view of the protégé. No greater helping or healing can
occur than that induced by a model of compassion and authenticity.

This book is a personal favourite. Bell writes with clarity and passion. Known for his bestseller, Customers as Partners, and extensive international speaking, he presents what I would call a way of being for the mentor. He explains that mentoring is about personal, not positional, power. "The most powerful and most difficult part of mentoring is being who you are."

Mentoring is about personal growth. Going one step further, the essence of a mentoring relationship is "more about a mutual search than about wisdom passage."

The basis of Bell's book is what he calls the four ingredients of effective mentoring. Some might call them competencies. He has created a clever acronym to help readers remember these ingredients: SAGE.

Surrendering: People in leadership positions are accustomed to being in control of learning. They "drive" the process. To surrender means to let go and to yield to a greater flow. This enables discovery and growth. This is difficult for many people, but when overcome it produces incredible results.

Accepting involves inclusion. This requires the mentor to be objective and not give preferential treatment to certain people. To accept means to embrace, not evaluate or judge.

Gifting occurs when the mentor shares with the mentee. It means, as Bell explains, "bestowing something of value upon another without expecting anything in return. The key to gifting is sharing with others unconditionally.

Extending requires the mentor to push the relationship beyond normal boundaries. The mentor is willing to explore alternatives to encourage the mentee's growth, even if it means ending the mentoring relationship. An essential point is that the purpose of extending is to reduce to a minimum the mentee's dependence on the mentor.

Bell articulates beautifully what mentoring is all about. His words should serve as a daily reminder to all of us:

Mentoring is an honour. Except for love, there is no greater gift one can give another than the gift of growth.

Who should read this book? Anyone who is serious about improving their leadership abilities (whether in management or not) and who wishes to learn an organic approach to mentoring.

Let's Practice!

Now that you have read brief descriptions of three excellent books, take time to reflect on the authors' thoughts and ideas. If you are currently a coach or mentor, ask yourself:

• How effective am I in my mentoring or coaching relationship?
• Am I learning as well?
• What discoveries have I made about myself?
• Is our search mutual?
• What can I do (or change) to be a more effective mentor or coach?
• What conditions have I placed (perhaps unconsciously) on the relationship?

For those of you who have read one or more of these books, or other books on coaching and mentoring, consider sharing what you have learned with others.

Coaching and mentoring will undoubtedly become more important as organizations experience continuous change and periodic upheavals. What is important is to approach this subject using the principles and ideas expressed by the three authors. The outcome will be a rich and rewarding experience for everyone involved in the relationship.