By Chris Wahl

It's a natural human reaction to move away from discomfort. For example, if we are rebuffed by someone powerful - we may subsequently avoid contact for awhile. If we don't like messy personnel issues - we avoid dealing with such problems. If we don't like too much emotion in the workplace - we show no emotion ourselves and frown on those who do. If we don't agree with the new organization structure - we stall or speak negatively about decision makers. The list of behaviors that trigger us into actions that keep us stuck in some way can be endless. Leaders, however, need to take stock of what creates discomfort for them and, rather than avoid dealing with whatever issue is on the table, they need to lean into their discomfort.

Getting past something you've been avoiding can be incredibly freeing - and may even create a more comfortable work environment. Leaning into your discomfort will not only free you up, you may also learn something or be reminded of something you learned long ago.

Some examples may help. A senior executive's new boss felt overcontrolling, brutish, and closed-minded. The senior executive was ready to quit, seeing no way to work with the new boss. Leaning into her discomfort, she envisioned the type of working relationship she would like to have with the new boss, and created a conversation with him that, while very uncomfortable for her at the start, actually created a more respectful and open relationship. She did not quit!

Another example. A senior leader was being disrespectfully challenged by a colleague during leadership team meetings. The senior leader was feeling very angry and uncomfortable around this colleague. Rather than taking a win-lose approach, where he would either "get him" verbally or avoid contact altogether, he requested time with his colleague and had a conversation about the behavior. While this was difficult for him, he focused on the outcomes he was looking for in his relationship with his colleague, and conveyed these respectfully. He also requested a commitment to new behavior from the colleague during team meetings. The shift in their relationship has been positive, and came about as a result of a powerful conversation where the leader indeed leaned into his discomfort.

Reflection

Notice where there is discomfort in your work life. Ask yourself, what are you avoiding? What are you doing to maintain the discomfort? What conversation do you need to create? What do you need to say or do to create a new outcome?