By Jean Ogilvie

This article explores some of the ground where two knowledge traditions intersect: coaching and conflict resolution.

It is "common knowledge" in conflict resolution that anytime at least two people are in a relationship, the potential for conflict is there. Conflict is a byproduct of life, and our challenge revolves around how to process it wisely. What coaching recognizes is that conflict is possible with ONE person going about living his/her life because even within an individual there can be thoughts, feelings and opinions in conflict.

So beginning with one individual and extending to as many people as populate a system, there are ongoing opportunities for disagreements, misunderstandings and opposing views. The workplace has its share of these. Traditionally there have been two ways of dealing with conflicts that develop in the workplace. Firstly, there are formal, rights-based processes modelled on our system of law, such as grievances or harassment processes; the outcome of which is adjudicated by a third party. More recently, interest-based processes have been introduced, developed by those involved and usually involving some form of designed conversation, such as negotiation or mediation. These processes are meant to illuminate the interests of both parties involved, for the purpose of jointly crafting a resolution.

Increasingly we are coming to realize that well before these processes need to be engaged, there are a range of competencies to develop that can actually diffuse conflicts before they have a chance to take on a life of their own. The examples presented hear focus on the growing ability of two people to stay positively engaged in a relationship even as things heat up.

Coaching linked to conflict resolution

So what exactly would it look like to intervene at the very front end of conflict for clearly identifiable and lasting behavioural change? The following two cases are examples of coaching designed to develop the personal competence to resolve or even avoid conflicts in ways that strengthen and empower individuals.

A Case Example: David, the "streetfighter"

David was a manager in a technical area in a large manufacturing company who was seen as having senior management potential given his alignment with the company's values. He was hard-working, intensely competitive, routinely produced business results, and was unusually committed to a career in this company - unusual because they were experiencing serious problems with retention. Turnover was costing a lot of money and the company was looking closely at the causes. One of the problem areas they identified was a lack of a "developmental climate" for people in the company - factors ranging from brusque management styles, to heavy workloads, to lack of training opportunities. One of the areas the company decided to invest in was in supporting their supervisors and managers to become better at managing people. Alas, this was the weak spot for David.

David was a friendly, plucky but scrappy individual with a hot button really close to the surface. He could be insulting to clients if his competence was questioned, he would express frustration to staff that he saw moving at a slower pace than his, and he could be belligerent with colleagues. In fact, by his own admission he thrived on a climate of little brawls, telling an internal HR resource one day that he always wanted to stay a little on the wild side - this was for him core identity. The problem was that overall this behaviour was spinning out many conflicts in the workplace, and was in fact a clear example of one of the sources of high turnover of new talent which was becoming very costly for the company.

The Assessment

One assessment of David was that he was a brilliant analyst with a significant power leak. He had a keen eye for business improvements in his domain of expertise, but by charging ahead, and habitually "honouring his wild side", he was diverting his substantial energy away from producing the business results that would get the attention of the company executive. Ultimately he was undermining his own strong ambition to be a high performer for the company, and therefore limiting his career options.

A new way proposed to David was that he become more able to mobilize those around him - staff, colleagues and customers - to be collectively producing excellent business results. To do so, he would need to expand his repertoire of emotional expression and focus on strengthening business relationships.

The Path to New Distinctions

The first step was to give David better access to the impact he was having on his environment by looking at the feelings he was triggering in others, how he was doing it in the use of language and actions; and the impact that had on both business results and relationships. David quickly discovered that getting into scraps actually took quite a bit of time and energy away from business objectives - both his work and the work of others.

With access to the impact of his behaviour patterns on others, he then engaged in a new, conscious practice of "Redirecting hot situations". The purpose of this practice was to enable Serge to consciously choose whether or not to engage in a conflict, and if so, to engage productively with the aim of resolving it, rather than aggressively advancing his position.

This was a four-step, on-the- spot process whereby he would pause and identify exactly what the trigger was when he reacted, what path he would choose (pursue the conflict with a focus on resolution, pursue the conflict to make a point, or leave it and focus on the results currently being pursued), His task was to articulate for himself why he was making the choice that he was, and if he was choosing to keep out of conflict to spend some time in a conversation for relationship with the person who had triggered his emotions.

He and his team had a finite amount of energy (time, personal commitment, resources) to achieve business results. To get the best results possible, what was the best way to invest that energy? As this practice became more familiar to him, the number of conflicts he engaged in diminished markedly, his staff were operating more as a team, and his business productivity increased.

A Case Example: Jack, "the judge"

A second case illustrates another type of behaviour that is potentially conflict-producing and yet is sourced from a very different internal state - this time over-dependence on others for validation, as opposed to over-independence.

Jack was a manager in a centralized, corporate function with 50 staff reporting to him through a management team. His department was going through massive changes in the way in which business was being done, and he was personally committed to the new direction that the Deputy was headed. He believed the proposed new way of doing business was practical and modern, and he set out to champion the new way with his staff and in meetings with his peers.

Jack longed to have a powerful voice and be seen as a guy with great ideas. As time went by however, he found that his peers were not taking up the new ideas he was putting forward, and seemed increasingly to be ignoring him. As his desperation to be able to "speak more powerfully" grew, he became more judgemental about the talents of his peers in the change process. As he gave voice to these judgements, often in disparaging comments ("I told you six months ago that this would happen if we didn't change the process…."), a cycle of insult and self-defense began to erupt into conflicts.

The Assessment

Similar to David, the assessment of Jack was that while he had clear talent for problem-solving, and navigating in a world of objects, processes and procedures, his level of self-awareness and his ability to be in positive relations with others was thin. His judgement of others (based on their not measuring up to what HE thought was important) was causing relationships to deteriorate.

A new way that he worked hard to develop through coaching was to lead by being in tandem with others, trusting in their ability to develop and contribute their best, and offering what support he could to ensure their success.

A Path to New Distinctions

An important distinction occurred as we were discussing observations Jack had made around his patterns of listening to others. He was asked to think of a conversation with another person, and to describe the perspective the other person was putting forward, his internal response and what he thought was going on for the other person based on a grounded observation of them - mood, level of interest, energy level, and emotional state. The distinction came as he looked at his responses and saw that most were about what HE thought was going on, from his perspective. Jack's way of assessing events that occurred was to compare them with his expectations, making it impossible to discern, and therefore respond to the interests of others. Holding others to a standard that is invisible to them is a recipe for creating conflict.

Over time, Jack worked in two practice areas related to himself and others. He became more able to identify his internal conversations, and feelings as HIS internal response. He also became much more adept at offering support to others in a way that honoured them. This was a difficult transition as he had to consciously ask himself what he would have to let go of in order to appreciate and be supportive of that other person's world.

Jack's colleagues did report that he became more supportive of them, and less adversarial towards their ideas. Jack himself felt that in many situations, including in a sibling relationship with deeply established patterns, he dropped the need to be right. He still, however, wants to keep working on "speaking more powerfully".

Some Tools

While coming from quite different internal corporate cultures, one of the desires both of these clients had in common was to shift work-place relationships from being conflictual or adversarial to being actively collaborative. Here are some coaching questions for you to consider and further your reflection:

"Seeing the impact you have"

1. What feelings did I trigger in others at work today?
2. How could I tell?
3. What action/conversation of mine triggered these feelings in others?
4. What effect did triggering these feelings have :
   • on my work
   • on my relationship with others
   • on the work of others

"Bringing out the best in others"

1. What is [Alice] deeply committed to with respect to this workplace?
2. What do I have access to that could contribute to her success? (knowledge, resources……)
3. What offer will I make to her, and how will I do so in a way that honours her?
4. What will I have to let go of, in me, so that I can fully appreciate and be in support of this person's world?

Conclusion

As I said in the beginning, there are many potential sources of conflict in organizations. The two cases presented come from different contexts (private manufacturing, public service), different generations and different internal corporate cultures (charging ahead, yearning to be heard). Yet a strong thread in common was a substantial competence at a technical level in a world of "things", along with an unconscious pattern that triggered distress or resentment in others. As each client began to catch on to the impact of their behaviour on others they began to also imagine their potential as leaders for the support and development of other people. At this point conflict generation and the stress on all parties that this creates gives way to a new energy that fuels the strength and zest of a community of people in a workplace.

This becomes not only conflict resolution or prevention at the earliest possible stage, but a powerful contribution to the possibility of a workplace to achieve its full potential.

Follow Up Resources

For more on this topic, see:

• Cloke, Kenneth. Mediating Dangerously - The Frontiers of Conflict Resolution. San Francisco: Jossey Bass, 2001.
• Flaherty, James. Coaching - Evoking Excellence in Others. Boston: Butterworth-Heinemann, 1999.
• Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. The Dance of Connection - How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed or Desperate. New York: Harper Collins, 2001.
• Wheatley, Margaret. Turning to One Another - Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future. Berrett-Koehler, 2002.