By Dorothy Hutt

Seven common traps that impede our effectiveness¹

Introduction

Many managers fall into patterns or traps that produce unintended results. In our coaching practice, we have encountered Seven Common Traps that consistently impede leadership effectiveness. It is our belief that if managers become aware of these traps and their impacts, they will be committed to practice different actions and ways of relating to be more productive and effective.

In this article, we define the Seven Traps and their impacts. A series of coaching questions then guides managers through an inquiry process to discover new actions that could bring about intended results. A template to design practices and create structure around these practices is also included. This template is intended to support managers to coach themselves by designing practices to move beyond these traps.

By using the reflective and inquiry process detailed in this article, managers can create new actions and practices and avoid the pitfalls of the Seven Traps. This allows for more authentic relationships and higher levels of effectiveness. The skills of reflection and inquiry, combined with designing practices to cause new actions, will transform managers to a new level of leadership. The reflection begins with determining where you are on the continuum for each of these seven traps!

Instructions: Reflect on the items, and indicate where you fall on the trap line. Be rigorous and honest.

How often do I find myself…

1. Being incongruent? I say one thing and don't follow through. I make false promises. I over commit and cannot deliver. I often have good excuses for my lapses.

   Rarely12345More often than I would like

2. Being overly attached? I know exactly how things should be done. My point of view is correct. I do not need or want the perspectives of others. Once I have made up my mind, I am very attached to my plan.

   Rarely12345More often than I would like

3. Thinking FOR others, rather than thinking WITH others? I tell other people how to solve their problems. I rarely ask other people what they think. I am quick to ensure that my opinion, regardless of topic, is the first one heard.

   Rarely12345More often than I would like

4. Focusing on SHOULDS' - they should know better, they should have come to me first? Shoulds are a way to judge and blame others versus take responsibility for co-creating situations.

   Rarely12345More often than I would like

5. Focusing mainly on my own needs and not considering others enough?

   Rarely12345More often than I would like

6. Fearful? I do not share what I am thinking or feeling because I am afraid of being judged. I am afraid of offending or hurting others, so I do not reveal my real thoughts and feelings.

   Rarely12345More often than I would like

7. Covering and rationalizing my mistakes? I do not admit that I am in error at times. I have elaborate excuses for why things are not my fault or why the situation was out of my control.

   Rarely12345More often than I would like

Now let's go over the seven traps, see how they might be impacting your life and also look at ways to move beyond them.

Moving beyond the Seven Common Traps

1. Incongruence: I say one thing and don't follow through. I make false promises. I over commit and cannot deliver. I often have good excuses for my lapses.

   Impact: As word of your incongruence becomes known and widespread, you lose credibility. People become disrespectful. It becomes known that you cannot be counted on. Your effectiveness as a leader becomes questionable and a lack of trust has been created. Your integrity is at stake when you break even small agreements.

   Coaching Questions to move beyond this trap:

   • Am I being consistent in keeping agreements? Why or why not?
   • Can I be counted on when I commit to something?
   • If I have any doubts about being able to deliver or follow through on something, how can I address it and consider other ways to resolve it?
   • If some unforeseen circumstances evolve, do I communicate delays or challenges and reassess the timing of the commitment and deliverables?
   • Do I stay in communication and in relationship with others?
   • Do I make promises that I cannot keep or do not intend to keep?
   • Do I make excuses, blame others etc. when I do not deliver as promised, or do I apologize for missing the deadline, recommit and move forward to be my word?

2. Being overly attached: Not willing to be influenced. I know exactly how things should be done. My point of view is correct. I do not need/want the perspectives of others. I have made up my mind, I am attached to my plan

   Impact: A leader who is overly attached to a particular position and is not willing to be influenced, gains a reputation for being controlling, unapproachable and intimidating. Among employees it creates distrust and leads to low morale. The tragedy is that these leaders are often unaware of the negative impact on either the employees or on the fulfillment of the mandate, whether in the private or the public sector. Rigidity permeates the organization and people often feel victimized and powerless.

   Coaching Question to Move Beyond this Trap:

   • Is my focus on being "interesting" versus interested in others?
   • Am I willing to be open to other perspectives and approaches?
   • What would it be like to release control to others, yet hold them accountable?
   • Am I willing to challenge my own beliefs or points of view?
   • Do people around me feel heard, understood and valued?
   • What would it be like to let go of control, trust others to contribute in their own way and produce similar results?

3. Thinking FOR others, rather than thinking WITH others: I tell other people how their problems will be approached or fixed. I rarely ask other people how their needs can be accommodated. I am quick to ensure that my opinion, regardless of topic, is the first one heard.

   Impact: A leader who thinks for others often falls into micromanaging. People tend to feel frustrated, stop thinking and resign themselves to just following orders. Overtime, the leader's influence is eroded as ideas stagnate because individual creativity and passion was not cultivated or encouraged. People become complacent or leave because they do not feel valued.

   Coaching Questions to move beyond this trap:

   • Do I develop others to do their own thinking or fall into telling them what to do?
   • Am I curious about how others are experiencing a particular challenge, situation or opportunity? Do I tend to ask questions or give answers?
   • Do I create space for shared exploration versus give advice or offer suggestions?
   • Do I involve others in decision-making that impacts them? Why or why not? What is the impact?
   • Do I build on the ideas of others, or explain why their ideas cannot be implemented, if that's the case?
   • How could I shift to thinking with others versus thinking for them?
   • How might I create an environment where people would think together to be more creative?

4. Focusing on SHOULDS: They should know better, they should have come to me first. Shoulds are a way to judge or blame others versus take responsibility for co-creating situations.

   Impact: There are a lot of negative consequences of using the 'shoulds'. First, the leader using them might be perceived as critical or judgmental or as a complainer. Using feedback to help others see new possibilities for action is different than criticizing or judging or gossiping. Complaining is a cop-out. Confidence in the leader could be undermined, because they often transfer responsibility or accountability. Valuable energy is lost in complaining or making others wrong, and the environment is often tense. Information is withheld because the anticipated response is judgmental.

   Coaching Questions to move beyond this trap:

   • What is my contribution to this situation?
   • Do I address issues in a way that they are understood versus complain?
   • Do I see that shoulds are just another way to blame others and relinquish responsibility for what I have co-created?
   • Am I willing to say what I need to say in a respectful and authentic way without blame or judgment?
   • Am I willing to make a change in myself versus make another person wrong?

5. Focusing on my own needs and not considering the needs of others enough

   Impact: These kinds of leaders could be perceived as lone wolves or perhaps viewed as small-minded, self-absorbed or disinterested in larger organizational concerns or issues. It is important to listen to the needs of others and collaborate on common goals versus simply focusing on your own needs. It is also important to understand larger business issues or the impact your work or attitude has on others and their ability to produce results.

   Coaching questions to move beyond this trap: Practice being more open-minded.

   • What would it be like to be curious about the needs of others?
   • How can I ask questions to better understand the larger picture or global strategies?
   • Am I willing to stop complaining and ask questions or make requests?
   • How can I relate with others to stick with the conversation until I reach a commitment or shared understanding?
   • What is preventing me from considering the needs of others?
   • How can I balance the needs of others with my own needs to get things done?

6. Fearfulness: Sometimes, I do not share what I am thinking or feeling because I am afraid of being judged or afraid of hurting others, hurting myself. So, I end up not being authentic - I can be perceived as a phoney

   Impact: Because these leaders do not share their real thoughts and feelings, at some level, they are being phoney. People can see the gaps or inconsistencies, or sense some insincerity. You might be sending mixed messages, your authenticity might be questioned, and feelings of distrust might occur as a result of a perception of playing it safe, holding back or lack of strength to make tough decisions and truly lead. People may question your capacity, often in your absence, or sense a lack of confidence.

   Coaching Questions to move beyond this trap:

   • How can I let go of not sharing unless I have things all figured out - certainty!
   • What would it be like to take risks vs. play it safe?
   • Am I willing to be share my true thoughts, feelings and ideas?
   • How can I own my feelings by expressing them without blame or judgment?
   • Am I willing to share my thoughts and engage in conversations as opportunities to learn?
   • How can I be more authentic in my communication with others?

7. Covering and rationalizing my mistakes: I do not admit that I am in error at times. I have elaborate excuses for why things are not my fault or why the situation was out of my control, or I blame others.

   Impact: People see that you have a tendency to cover up and that you cannot be trusted to take responsibility for your mistakes. You waste energy trying to cover up and still end up being perceived as dishonest. Covering up also prevents learning and suggests that mistakes are "bad" which often prevents people from taking risks.

   Coaching Questions to move beyond this trap:

   • Am I willing to let go of judging myself because I made a mistake?
   • What prevents me from owning my part in things or admitting my errors, and learning from them? Make corrections and move on.
   • Do I want to exert energy to learn and move forward or to cover up mistakes, deflect or hide?
   • Do I believe that people will appreciate me more if I own up to my part in things?
   • If I see that I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, am I willing to ask for help to get to the root causes or the heart of the matter?

Creating and Integrating a Practice

A practice is the tool you use to produce a desired change. It is parallel to building new muscle. Six questions guide the development and the execution of a new practice. The questions and an example of the practices appear below.

Goal - I Have an Intention to be more congruent

Items to be addressed in designing practices	Steps for Designing Practices
1. What trap do I intend to move beyond?	I want to become more congruent, my actions to match my words consistently. I live up to my commitments and I want to be seen as someone who can be counted on - who delivers
2. What practices will I create to bring about this change?	I need to stop micromanaging - be available, keep them on track using coaching vs. telling, fixing so that I can attend to more strategic issues and have more time for my own self-care I have to stop taking on so many things and assess who else could do some of these things and delegate more I need to stay focused on my commitments and not overextend myself or get sidetracked
3. What is the timeline for my new practices?	Daily for one month I will focus on my strategic priorities and live up to my commitments I will assess my effectiveness in delegating more and holding people accountable but not being too involved At the end of each day, I will assess how effective I have been at living up to my agreements
4. Will I need support? If so, what kind and from whom?	From my staff - to delegate more and to stop micromanaging - which most of them will be grateful
5. How will I know if I am progressing?	Others will provide feedback/comment on my changes I will deliver consistently on important strategic issues I will delegate more, hold my people accountable, give them space to make their own decisions and hold them accountable and not become too involved in their decision making I am living up to my commitments, noticing where I get off track and making the necessary corrections to consistently keep all agreements
6. What breakdowns might I experience, and how might I address them?	I will find it difficult, at first to let go and not to take charge of everything - I need to be clear about my intentions and be congruent in being more strategic and spend less time in the day-to-day operations doing what my people are equipped to do I need to learn the subtleties of guiding others vs. doing too much, so I will ask for feedback on how I am doing

Template for the Design of a Practice

Items to be addressed in designing practices	Examples of Practices
1. What attribute / characteristic do I want to change in order to become a more transparent leader?
2. What specific things will I focus on?
3. What is the timeline for my new practices?
4. Will I need support? If so, what kind and from whom?
5. How will I know if I am progressing?
6. What breakdowns might I experience, and how might I address them?

Concluding Thoughts

New levels of effectiveness and self-mastery are attained as people align their actions with how they want to truly be as leaders. These are the steps to self-mastery. Question our beliefs and assumptions. Observe how and when we fall into these traps. Understand the impacts of our ways of relating and attitudes. Come to an insight of where we are and where we want to be. Ask ourselves the questions that move us to a new belief in our leadership and ourselves. Then design new actions and practices that move us to a new level of leadership.

The basics and framework for moving beyond these seven common traps have been given to you. Now the challenge is to access where you are on the continuum and determine where you want to be. The adventure does not go in a straight-line - - it takes unexpected turns, and along the way there are new and exciting discoveries. Whole ranges of new possibilities are in front of us, along with an entire new reserve of energy.

References

Campbell, Susan. "Getting Real: The ten truth skills you need to live an authentic life."
H G Cramer Book with New World Library, California: 2001

Thompson, Michael. "The Congruent Life: Following the inward path to fulfilling work and inspired leadership."
Jossey-Bass Publishers, San Francisco: 1999

Kouzes, James and Barry Z. Posner. The Leadership Challenge., Jossey Bass Publishers, San Francisco: 1995